Nature's Santuary

The Explosion

Aug 17, 2008

Hi ppl im back for awhile. i haven had the feelin to post since who knows when haha. well things haven been really goin well for me. EVen though ya there are times where me and frens being happy laughin at each other but, its kinda hard to feel tat she doesn't talk to me anymore. its like.. damn. Dun ask who is she. cause none of u knows her except for kok and of course she herself. I still remem that night when she sent me the last msg. i spent nearly the whole nite cryin and thinkin bout her. though we've nv met, but we've spent more than a year talkin to each other cheering each other up despite the bad times. i really miss her ya..... As a guy, we always keep on a hard front, while inside us is softer than anything. the hurt engraved is more than anything that one can hold. I still think of her everyday. and everytime i think of heart, my heart aches. i feel like a bump alot of times. jux because of this. Man im really gettin useless. sometimes, my heart jux hurts for no reason, i feel lifeless. i feel like i've lost something very impt to me, and i cant get it back anymore. I've always been tryin to get my mind off it. But its harder to do than jux sayin out. i tried and sometimes successful, only for a couple of hours. then it comes back again. Now i know how heart breaking it is for ppl to lose some1 they really like. though i used to only tell ppl and console them, i nv can nv really feel their hurt. now i know how it feels and its not as simple as it seems. theres alot of things, behind a smile of a guy. He can be already hurt in many ways that he can sit up the whole nite cryin everyday and look perfectly normal on the next day. I feel so weak as my heart is aching, it feels like its breakin apart and I HATE IT! pretty much. i really hope i can return to the good old days. and take back all the things that i've said and done to cause everyone all this pain. Feelings like this is really unexpected. i really don't know wat to say anymore. I feel pathethic. shit man. ANd Guys, pls stop talkin thinks bout me and her alrite. It really is unfair to me and her. in the state i am in now. i really dont wanna think about anything else. thks guys.