The Explosion
Dec 29, 2008
wahahahhaha~ Today! is A day like never before! XD wahahhaha. nothin happened actually! bt i jux feels damn light and happy! theres like nthin weighin me down or wat! i feel so nice, so free, so light, soo.... wa... cannot express! haha.
im so happy really! u know.. i've been smilin all day.. like i've jux strike lottery bt even more better than tat! this kinda happy feelin last forever! the smile on my face is always on for the whole day~ i dunno y.. XD. its so great omg.. this is the feelin of livin in a bright world wif life eh! haha. soo enjoyable, so warm, so relaxin XD..
though i haf alot of projects and assignments waitin to completed, bt i dun feel afraid or scared. cause i know, i will be able to finish them some how.. even now im still smilin XD.. im so happy! hahaha.
bt i dunno wats happened to leong though... me, zuzu and ricky.. we've been thinking.. Wat The hell got him so emo XD hahahaha. then we came out wif lots of lots of wierd conclusions XD... damn wierd though.. bt all posibilities XD.
1. Relationship 2. Lack of extreme sleep 3. com not good enough LOL! 4. Needs more company... blah blah blah.. watever!~~~ haha. er rite..
hey kristyyyy~ dun hide anythin from us k! =p.. if u still treat me as a great fren or buddy or enemy or the world's most scariest guy ever~ bt we jux wanna find out wats his prob.. if u know, do tell us k ^^
Dec 28, 2008
errrr... ok .. forget bout the mia plan~~ no time to do it LOL!.. seriously.. wth sia haha.. bt good lah~ ... time to do hmks =.=.. its gonna be an over drive XD. haha.
well jux to say, 我已经把所有的过去，伤心，痛苦，与难过的记忆都给放下了。虽然还是有点放不下的回忆，但是，它们以不会再让我进入黑暗的世界了。也许，这是一件好事。我也不用再为过去的事而烦恼，不用再为爱情而让自己伤心。
在一天的时间里,能够让一个人作出对自己或对大家有意的事。不在黑暗世界流浪的我，已看到美丽又漂亮的世界。虽然还是独自的一个人走，但，我已很开心了。因为，我能感觉到无限的温暖，于温柔的风，慢慢的围绕着我。这种感觉很舒服，让我觉得很自由。
走在安静的公园里，看着那些小鸟，自由的飞来飞去，静静地唱着歌，好温心，好快乐。虽然还想着你，但，我只能笑一笑，望着天空，然后继续往前走。
不在让自己伤心，我也希望，你会好好地走下这段路。不要应为这段空荡爱情而让我们的距离越来越远。做不成的情人还能作朋友，对不对？=D 我会好好的过我的生活，你也一样。
Dec 27, 2008
Weeee~~~~ 4 days! yo! lol! ok bt the sad thing is... i ONLY got 1 week to go mia =.=... nt tat i wanted to.. bt its all NO CHOICE!... its a MUST!... cause gotta chiong projects and assignments before they really crash me up down left right LOL!...no good not good... haiz... haha. though its Only 1 week.. i think its enough time for me.. im alrdy feelin better after sayin out stuffs ^^.. things will change after time hehe.. alrite.. SHORT POSTS HOR RICKY!.. DUN COMPLAIN! lol!... alrite 4 daysssss hehe Weeeeee so excited XD
Dec 26, 2008
Oh and nt forgettin.. THks my lovess and buddiesss.. haha. this christmas though didnt really celebrate with any of u.. bt thks for ur wishes.! Kristin, Zuzu, Vanessa Nu er, xin yi, Tuna!!! =p, sakura, shan yuan... hmm still got who i cant remem X[ haiz.. haha.. anw.. thks kristin and tuna for the cards! they're pretty ^^ and xinyi for the shirt =].. nw i haf a new shirt to wear for new year wahahahah.. alrites.. tats all.. Good luck peeps! M.I.A in 5 days.. ^^
This will be the last post for this year~ 2008~ lets say.. this is quite a year.. wif all the happenings ard.. its quite amazing, scary, depressing, aspiring, cool, entertainin.. well.. i didnt know wat else to say.. so ya.. good on.. dwn to my last emo post of the year... dun wanna miss my last chance to type here.For this year.. gonna be my time to go mia soon.. nt from sch but from anything else.. sch is the only thing that i cant skip other than meetin wif a mishap.. or sick.. Also..to continue.. the start of my shadow training.. the start of a new begining.. a start.. to a new me.. to kill this heart of mine nw.. so as to end all my sufferings.. to learn of a new power.. perhaps.. the native power everyone haf.. to harness this energy and make full use of it.. casting my emotions to one side.. i shall bear no burden.. i shall bear no hate, no saddness, no fear... i shall bear no memories of the past.. i shall become.. a new being.. to fulfill wat i've been set to do from when i was born. till death takes me away.. needless to say.. i'll be watching over u.. i'll help u when u need me the most.. in other times.. i'll be in the shadows.. never to show my presence... i'll be back when the time is rite.. for the outcast or the exile will be made honourable for his name and for all others of his kind. the lonewolfs.. the exile.. the outcasts.. we haf been set aside for wat other's are not able to accept us for. we haf been casted aside because of our differences.. we become exile because we are stronger than others. but no one cares.. so stick by my pride.. i shall remain in the shadows and be quiet.. the pride tat was created long ago.. when i become an outcast...when i ... turned into a lonewolf.. fendin off opponents sent forth to bring me down.. i haf become stronger.. for they haf met the strongest opponent yet.. sendin them back to whr they came from.. and leavin me alone to run.. to find a place of peace.. whr i can finally dig my grave and sleep in peace for the rest of eternity..havin thought of goin to paradise.. bt wats the use of livin forever in a world whr i am always alone.. frens.. they have their own things and others to attend to .. i haf no love .. not for me, killed my love in me.. so i wont haf to suffer any longer... i'll be able to see couples.. happy couples dwn the streets or in the park.. and feel no saddness and crys in me.. i'll beable to face frens.. wif their other half.. and i feel no shame and no jealousy.. i'll be able to answer myself y am i alone.. cause its simple.. my love is dead.. killed by my own hands.. my mind.. no longer will i be 'emo'.. no longer will relationships affect me.. for this time.. im gonna kill it for real. internal conflict within me haf been happenin for years.. and its time for i to put a stop to it.. for it haf brought me great misery and fear.. ppl say im crazy.. im mad.. im goin insane.. im suffering from depression.. i dun care.. for wat i think it maybe real. this maybe the last war i fought.. this maybe the last post i ever make.. nthin is impossible.. for i might be here again tmr and gone for the rest of the time..disappear from the face of humanity.. cause im dead.. i share no pain wif others.. i share no hurts wif others.. jux me.. seeing pain inflicted on others is as good as inflicting the pain on me.. so its jux gettin heavier and heavier.. once my love is dead i can linger no longer.. i can wonder no more.. i will haf nothin to fear about. if this is my last words.. i'd still have no courage and strength to say tat i love u~ cause it'd mean tat all this while.. u've been lookin at some1 tat take u differently from others. bt u didnt notice..cause he was nt able to show and say wat he really wans to express.. and u would be hurt. this is nt wat he wans... this is nt wat he hopes.. to the most.. he doesnt wan to lose u as a gud fren. and this too relates to others.. cause he dun wan to lose them as well.. creatin more frens are better than makin more enemies. tats y he'd rather talk things out and be frens than to fight an all out war riskin more ppl to become his enemies.. worst of all.. even the love of his life to turn her back on him. turnin him into the worst person on earth... he would feel guilty, hate, despair, regret.. all his life.. he only wans to settle down and live a peaceful life wif the one he loves.. though a lonewolf.. bt he still wans company.. bt he haven had the chance to speak.. cause he wasnt given enough courage.. though this is a selfish thought.. bt he cant face himself.. he's unsure of himself.. Everytime when a person appear and feels like a rival.. he shivers and shakes in fear.. havin the thought of losin her.. he crys within.. bt he wasnt able to do anything.. cause it'd mean makin him look like a total retard and destroyin his image.. so.. he'd rather cry and suffer himself than makin him lose the girl he like forever. and also.. he'd only wish for her happiness.. if he wasn't able to give her tat.. he wont force her to stay wif him.. instead he would tell her to leave him.. even though it hurts him more and he knows it'll hurt her too.. bt for her happiness sake.. he cant be so selfish as to let her suffer wif him~.. God bless him and all others..! May this change Be Better for him and others. Kuristos~!GodBless and Goodluck!
Dec 24, 2008
The Days are numbered~ and so am i~ i wont live forever, neither will they. My heart haf died, bt it had been reborn. my mind haf been blasted, bt it haf been reincarnated. my soul is pierced,slashed,crippled, and it cannot be healed. everyday i live in the shadows, waitin for the opportunity to strike. Bt i haf lost my goal, my target. nw im jux a wondering soul searchin for something tat can revive me, my soul. as usual, the front of me is always the cheerful one, bt the back of me, is the one tat crys and got hurt. never am i able to speak wat i am thinkin inside of me to others.. cause the courage and confidence within haf already been shattered. yet again.. i've been hurt.. and this time.. it hurt even more. Isit such a painful thing to put it dwn and let it pass..? yes it is.. bt the fear of gettin it isnt. nt tat i dont wanna speak.. bt its a fear and barrier tat sets me apart. i dun want to lose wat i haf nw.. cause im afraid.. if i speak.. things would never be the same again.. a fear tat nt many faces. a feeling tat u nor him or her haf to face.. all bt me.. its all me.. i am my greatest enemy.. and i am losing the battle.. ppl say im goin crazy.. tats all it is.. i fear tat too.. say im too sensitive.. i change quickly. say im able to adapt.. i does.. say im able to face myself.. im not. and i never did.. i fear.. tat i never will.. i used to be able to do it.. bt since i lost u.. the courage and confidence is all gone as well.. its time for u to go.. so i bid you farewell.. the fear and pain still resides in me.. whether i like it anot.. seeing u go is not the easiest thing to let go. it never was.. and it never will be. Nw.. i thought i found a new one.. bt it turns out... tat its harder for me than i thought.. i haf neither the faith nor courage to love. and its becoming worst day by day.. the hurt is gettin deeper and deeper, never was it healed. neither did it ever started. things would be easier off if i could jux escape from myself and never think of love or anyother things again.. i could do it for all other stuffs.. i didnt care.. but for love.. it never let me escape.. and i couldnt cause it makes me weak. i wanted but i couldnt.. everyday i shiver in fear.. and i doesn't know y.. perhaps.. i fear tat u leave and never come b.. perhaps.. i fear tat the new love tat i felt would turn out to be the same endin as the one i had before.. if i spoke out. or perhaps.. its both. i dont wan to think about it.. tats y i always want to go out wif my group of buddies or brothers.. i can take my mind off and jux dun think about it.. and its when im truely happy~ cause i cant feel my heart within. everytime when im left alone.. these feelin comes back as quickly as it had left. nthin can stop them.. This christmas.. i thought i could celebrate wif u.. bt it was all nthin bt jux a wishful dream and fantasy. for the past few days i've been out.. i truely felt the warmth in my heart.. for this i thk my brothers... for i thought we drifted.. bt we're as funky and fun as before.. ^^.. nt tat i wan to be emo.. bt these emotions jux come to me without me knowing.. things tat i cant control. if i could.. i would already be the happiest man ever.. sometimes i wonder if death could stop this feel .. cause its really damn fustrating to feel like tat... nt only it brings one dwn.. but it makes one get hurt even more and carves it deeper and deeper every second.. every milli sec.. to make the hurt even greater and more painful.. as it too ... destroys the alrdy deprived coourage and confidence left. i haf to go~ i need to, i MUST go.. bt how am i to escape the clutches of these emotions.. kill myself? drown myself.. or haf someone bring the warmth back into me.. im losin this battle.. i need someone.. someone i can rely on.. could it be u.. or her..or is thr some1 else. i am afraid.. lonely christmas.. my heart cries for u.. my heart aches for every step u take.. for u are leaving further and futher away... and we drift apart.. fades into the shadows.. i am the shadow... the shadow of the past..
Dec 11, 2008
okok~~~ knock some sense into me... haha.. Argh... Take my head out and bleach it kill it.. reborn HAHAHAHHAA. ... nvm.. Yes U are Rite Mel! i Should end it all nw And Return to the past Wahahahhahaha~ hopefully it works though LoL~.... im too emo now to listen to anything other than the wars in my brain haha... civil war ... XD. Soooo... i shall try not to be emo~ loL~... if goin b to the last time can change who i am nw... hehe y nt.. bloody hell~~~ should i shoot myself in the head and end it all and be reborned? haha... well maybe not.. cant find a gun anw.loL... Argh... where do i find a time portal sia.. fly me b in time before i even was born .. tats the best wahahhaa. maybe into my past life.. hehe. Stupid LZH!!!!! dun make me write more emos~ LOL!... 20 nt enough arh! later i cont 21 - 40 LOL!... nw also cant find the mood to write songs haha~ needa Find the Mood~~~~~~~ shit sia.. anw Thks wayne.. hehe. hope to see ya soon bro~ hahaha. LAST DAY OF TEST PPL!... LETS DIE TOGETHER! WAHAHHAA
Dec 10, 2008
haha~ ok wanted to blog a few days b but was too lazy, tired and emo LOL~.. anw... OMG EXAMS!!!! haha.. 1 reason y i am emo... 2nd.. Oogp cfm fail! ~!~! emo... 3rd. Freakin Stressssss... Emo.... 4th... Gmaps.. haven see already know fail.. EMO... .LOL!.. 5th.. My god i feel like a failure... emo... 6th. im losing myself.. emo... 7th. sometimes i feel tat my soul jux leaves my body in the middle of nowhere... emo... 8th. Shit im gettin distracted .. emo.. 9th. Still wants to destroy the world ... emo. 10th! Y does sometimes i feel so left out.. EMO!.... 11. dude dun make me emo.. emo... LOL!... 12. my light is fading... emo... 13. shit my life is fading... emo.. 14. my love is gone.. emo... 15. i can nv find a new one... emo.. 16. i can nv express myself... emo.. 17. all girls i like likes other ppl...emo.. 18. I know i suxs..emo.. 19. I can never get wat i wans...emo.. 20!. i tio own NB!!!... emo.. LOL!.. ok.. 20 should be enough... wahhaha. emo emo emo emo emo.... nt enough... i'll jux shout BANZAI and jump over the cliff LOL!.. so wats wif the emotism.. i duno~ dun ask me >.<... maybe cause im seeing too many couples off the streets while im alone.. wahahahha. lonely AH!... omg so sian lol!.. i dunno wat to blog bout sia... other than writin emo i dunno wat else to write hehe.. ok lah.. atleast today the test quite easy.. made some stupid mistakes though.. =.= ... emo... LOL!
Dec 5, 2008
Hi All! Im B to tell u~ Im Done Wif My 1st Song =D... Finally after some weeks.. doesn't know whr i got the inspiration to play the music.. but i jux did and happened to made this song .. so yea... im quite happy as its the first full song i've ever wrote, played on the guitar and sang. Though the music is only strummed.. cause i haven had much experience on plucking and still learnin how to play the piano. Anw.. i've finally made up my mind about the Title of the song. Its Called "Chance(To love again)". Basically this song is talkin bout 2 ppl... so yea.. me and my emotism LOL!... Another great news is tat... FINALLY THE ASSIGNMENTS ARE ALL CLEARED! WEEEEEE!... and next for the term test and then is the Break! wahahaha... i think ima be so busy durin the holidays LOL~.. alrite tats bout it.. gonna start on my 2nd song soon~ Takecares
Dec 3, 2008
Alrite~ jux b to say~ my song will be done soon~ wahahhaa. im done wif the first 2 verse and chorus... im left wif a bridge and a new chorus and IM DONE!!!! WEEEE... my first song.. hope its good... the title of the song will be revealed soon~!!! wahahha. hope u peeps will like it! k .. haf fun guys!
Dec 2, 2008
Hiaz...wat a tiring day~~~ was all emo-ed up for no reason. jux cause im too freakin tired. haha. and tat stupid leong go photoshop me photo and send it to ppl which made me feel even worst...Idiot.. bt watever.. i aint got any life left.. so jux get on wif my work.. atleast today still done 2 of the projects/assignments.. Ricky's sick today so he didnt come to sch.. i think he aint commin either tmr as well.. hope he gets well soon~ my cough is still nt goin down.. infact it always acts up for no reason.. guess im jux damned. For once it really...Really feels tat i am really a fucked up person~ not really bout anything.. but my life.. cause come to think of it... when was the last time someone ever MSG-ed me or msn-ed me automatically~ its like A F**Kin long time ago.. and those tat did come to talk to me.. only asked me to help do survey, check some stuff.. watever.. after tat.. they jux go b and do their own stuffs. and im b to square one whr im left alone again. Wats wif this kinda life. i know i aint famous or wat shit watever crap.. i aint much of a popular guy watever Fuck.... its jux too fuckin boring can.. its always me who initiated the conversation.. is there like no one tat actually wans to talk to me?. ok fine watever.. im fine being anti social from nw.. i aint gonna give a fuckin care bout any shit.. cause its life.. wat the hell. If Given a chance nw. Fuckin jux end my life god.. i aint got much reason to live in this world anw.. gettin pissed and dissed here and there from time to time.. though there's been some happy times.. but they pass on real quick and the sick feelin comes b again~ i aint got much frens i know... there's some.. but dun talk.. some does.. but at times really piss me off. i can keep my cool~ and i dun like to show aggression. it jux aint my style.. i rather keep things peacefully and live life off.. No one will know wat it feels like to live off in a distant place.. where u are mostly alone. cause most of the time u will haf frens ard to be wif u, to give u the warmth.. u dun haf to seek it.. they jux comes to u. bt for me.. it aint like this.. i haf to seek my own warmth.. and its really tiring.. life is giving up on me already as im typing this.. i really feel like my soul is dieing.. i trust tat no one will ever understand how i feel. cause it jux dun happen to anyone. especially those tat always have frens to console them when they are dwn or when facing some difficuilt times..for me.. i haf to suffer all this by myself.. i aint got much or any1 to talk to or share wif. yes there is.. bt i cant always jux count on them. it really makes me feel damn useless.. i wanna be as gd.. i tried.. and i become tired. things are jux nt workin out for me.. i aint got the guts.. i aint got anything other than a no gd brain tat stores useless stuff.. haiz.. life has taken its toll on me.. and i've had enough. i jux wan to rest.. i wanna find a place of peace and serenity.. i jux wan to rest peacefully~ without any worries or thoughts. jux me.. maybe me and the one i loved. but i know its jux a beautiful lie.. cause truth hurts and the truth always turns my life upside down. One fren asked.. wat is happiness. where can i find happiness.. my answer... your happiness is in u. wat makes u happy is u. there is no true answer..cause ppl find joy in diff things. everyone is diff. for me.. i aint haf this.. i cant feel happiness. all i feel is a dark lonely corner in the middle of a winter nite. wif no one ard.. i am helpless. all alone.. fallin prey to the never endin feel of loneliness and depression. tried to seek warmth.. bt got kicked out instead. tried to seek happiness bt got rejected. tried to work for my goals. bt got denied. cause of my lack in ability. im jux like a disabled person. i cant do anything without my hands, legs, body and mind workin properly. its jux the end.. the end of life.. the end of time. the end of the line. All i am left wif nw..is my guitar nad my piano.. they're my life.. and my final wish before i die.. is tat i am able to make a beautiful song tat brings life to my world. i dun care bout anything else anymore. Hack to relationships. hack to work~ i jux wan to fulfill my last wish.. i cant save the earth.. cause im nthin but a mere grain of sand. i cant save myself. cause i dread livin in the real world. i cant save the my soul. cause i want to live in a world of fantasy, paradise.. Music is my life. and i wan to play it well. for the rest of my soul lies in them. i have no confidence in relationships any longer. its jux a freakin LIE! True love Is Never gonna come.. cause no one will accept me for who i am. im a idiot, im a failure. This will never be the last. Cause There's still things to be done. but its started long ago.. when my wish is fulfilled. its time for me to leave too. cause my life is done and i got nthin left tat is worth for me to do. i'd go b to mother earth, or perhaps heaven.. maybe hell for the Lies i told and sins i've done. wherever i go.. i'd never wan to live again.
