ok I'll keep this short...

Moodless.. Seriously... Moodless...

I am not happy nor Sad... I jux basically cant feel anything now...

my mind is blank.. my heart haf stopped...

i haf paused in the midst of time..

I've been quiet.. really quiet... I cant even find a word to say...

To anyone... I jux find ... tat .. i really cant say anything..

Im dumbfolded... im really losing touch with the world...

I cant communicate anymore...

even through cyber space... i cant seem to crack up anymore things....

let alone reality... face to face... i cant even think of wat to say...

perhaps... im made to be dumb... or left alone... even live alone in a lone world in a lone country...

who in the world will like someone tat cant even talk well... or communicate well..

its like... impossible.. be it fate...

Im really losing myself... Losing myself to... Me......

my inner demon... The one tat will end my life...

Its taking over me.. making me numb... stabbing me within...

hurting me wif all the bad memories... now and before...the history...the present.. all~~~

i missed the days ... when we jux sit down and talked to each other for hours without fail.. when the atmosphere is so pure... so happy... so filled with the scent of love...

I miss you... I miss the times... I miss the beautiful past...

I yearn for a Nice relationship... I wish for a better life...

I wish for a better me... Tat i wont be such a .. Weakling...

I wish tat i will never lose my frens...

I wish tat ... I am not forgotten...

Too many tat i haf to wish... But i had none...

I have to make decisions... Though most are tough... but i still haf to make...

One decision can lead to different results... I may lose my best pals...

I may lose my love... I may even lose my life...

I dont wan to lose anything... It jux hurts me so bad tat .. I can never forget them...

These bad memories stick wif me throughout the days and nites..

the good times.. are only for the moment.. How i wish they could last =[

When will i find my love... my soul mate.. one tat will accept me for who i am...

One tat will accept my hobbies... who will stay wif me through the days...

my biggest fear is that it will never come...

To give up everything for one ... I would think alot through...

But for my love.. my best pals... I would not mind...

I may be selfish... I maybe ... picky... but i treat frens more than who they think i am to them... even.. who they are to me... I treasure them.. but i fail to keep them.. cause i fail to connect well enough...

I am tired... Im off...

HellO~.. ok lah~ emo post... once again...

so be prepared to read a wall of text... well sry lah~ i aint those pictures pictures guys...
and also... well.. wats there to see bout a emo pic eh =]

first things first... gotta say thks to all that voted for me...
U guys really supported me and i am really grateful to u guys! Thanks!
Truely from my heart thanks you! =D

But the thing is im sorry that i am not selected to be in the main comm...
=[ its a sad thing but ... i guess its god's will..

maybe its time that i wake up to face the truth that i am really lacking in time to catch up with stuffs..

This may be a chance given to me to start my work like giving time to study my jap and continue to complete my programs..

Like ricky said... Im still not able to get outta my slacker mode... Dude not that i dont want lah~ but i tried to le.. its jux so not me... its kinda hard to change jux like tat...

Perhaps this have already been with me since primary sch.. my happy go lucky mode... never stopped for once.. ok maybe once in awhile... that i actually put tat much time into really studying and doin my work...

Things are really easier said than done.. I've always tried to change my ways... but i cant seem to do it ... always distracted by something.. or drift away from my actual goal.. or getting pulled down by expected and unexpected stuffs...

Last min work haf always been my way.. its bad and really bad.. gotta change the habit.. DAMN... if i have the chance to change my habits.. i would change this stupid habit of mine.. Y cant i bring myself to be like others.. who are always so kan jiong and must finish their work first.. or can listen attentively and absorb all knowledge..

It always seems to me that.. when theres no adrenaline rush for me.. i wont do it.. i must feel the rush then i'll start working.. if not.. My mind would be switched off..

I always like things to be exciting and have a rush about it so i can feel the pressure and feel the excitment within... Im wierd ok... thats me...

ok gonna talk bout other things.. like how people get viewed...

In one moment .. one might say that u are annoying and irritating while at the other.. find u cool and exciting to be with... human psychology i would say...

when people judge another when they don't know each other.. Its not fair at all..

cause when u think about it.. hey u dont know me.. so y do u have to make those unrealistic and unfair judgements about me... jux because on the outside i looks wierd.. i look like a geek, a nerd, a gangster, or anything else... NO way man...

Thrs jux no way... because you dont know me at all.. dont people always say AND hear.. Do not judge a book by its cover? and y does people still does that.... cause.. they jux likes to pass judgement on another...

nothing abnormal actually.. thats jux human i guess.. stupid human thinkings... different people likes different things.. so if u dont like it.. y not jux keep ur mouth shut and keep them to urself... u dont haf to be like telling everyone and passing ur judgement of that particular person to another..

Its ok to judge someone that we all know.. cause maybe all of us are thinking of the same thing.. and also because we know him and atleast knows whats he's like on the inside.. maybe not that deep but.. atleast we get to know something of him/her...

If u jux see the person for the first time.. and u alrdy made unfair judgements bout him/her criticizing his/her personality which u dont even know about and wats more.. u only see the outside.. its so totally untrue and biased..

Maybe i should say.. its the way u look and how u present urself infront of others.. how u act and move actually shows people what kind of person u are... but what if its jux an out of the blue stuff... then u presume that the person is like that for his whole life ? ... is that fair?

Ever wondered how people viewed you instead? and what if u were the one being criticized instead.. will u feel good? ... cause its ur reputation at stake too if it got spreaded around.. if its good.. then gratz.. cause u've become famous amoung the people.. if its the otherwise bad... u will become one of the most outcasted and hated one amoung the people..

Nthing much that i wanted to say actually... but actually jux my view on the people's mindset of judgement.. Jux To say... One should never judge another till he/she have really known the person personally and quite well.. or not.. its jux too early to make a judgement cause it jux might turn out to be the opposite and u have alrdy ruined the person's life by passing on the bad remarks because of ur judgement...

well then.. comming to relationships...

i think i suffered quite alot alrdy.. hahaha..
its a really complicated thing to say... cause.. everyone feels and views relationships in different ways...

nothing much i could say.. brokern relationships are getting quite common nowadays.. especially amoung teens.. cause.. people are jux goin into a relationship for the SAKE of it.. they jux wan to try out smthin new.. and never thought of the consequences and outcomes...

To those that have a lasting relationship.. Gratz to u!
To those that Lost One... Its still early.. take ur time.. these things cannot be rushed.
To those that never had one.. well.. Lets strive hard together to get one in time to come =D

One can never know how deep and bad one could get hurt from a brokern relationship..
some jux lets it go like nothin ever happened.. while others drags on about it.. bringing the hurt and sad memories with them everywhr they go..

This not jux affects their mood.. but also affects the others if they see the person being emo and gloomy all the time.. being not able to cheer up.. everyone would be putting on their sad faces as well and the happy atmosphere will be gone..

Im tired already.. will type some other stuffs the next time..

last thing.. Things does not always looks as peaceful as it is one the surface.. cause things maybe stirring up within and a chaos might be brought about the next moment without even u knowing it..

Think before u do, think before u say.. cause words that is spokern, cannot be collected back again..

God Bless

Haven Been Blogging much lately.. Im Damn tired..
Seriously.. Workload have been growing and growing..

Next week.. 3 assignments are gonna due..

and i haven even finished them..

I know... Instead of Blogging.. Shouldnt i be doin them NOW?

well.. I haven slept well.. didnt have enough sleep...
and lookin at my bro feeling down...I cant really cheer up either..

things haven been goin tat well...
Failed my jap test.. i totally have no mood and wasnt prepared to do it...
cause i forgot bout the test.. and didnt get enough sleep..

moreover i had my whole day packed wif class... goin for one after another..
without much break.. damn it's tiring..

As much as it is.. i've been going home late.. more often is.. having dinner wif my group of bros and frens.. doin our work, and posters for the Election!...

Well.. finally now can take a small break off.. atleast i got my posters up.. so i wouldnt have to worry much bout ppl not knowing me..

Vote For Me And The G.E.T. 5 Peeps!!!! we're counting on u!!!! G.E.T 5 includes ( Me, Jon Tan Ziyi, Wee kiat, Eugene and Qi Yang)..

Yesterday Jon, wk and qi yang came over to my house to stay over nite to complete their posters.. so did i.. we didnt get to sleep till like 4am in the morning whr one by one started to fall asleep.. i was the last to get a nice rest... it was 6am.. we wanted to go to sch at 7am to finish up our posters faster.. but i guess we're all jux too tired..

lookin at them all sleeping.. i went to bed as well.. waking up 4h later.. at 10am.. came back to my com.. only qi yang was awake at tat time.. wk and jon was still sleeping at the sofa.. so i chatted on msn for awhile..

Sry lah Jas... Not i dun wan talk to u luh~... is i no time... and busy finishing up wat i was doin a few hours back.. anw also damn long time no see u online le... perhaps cause i am the one tat wasnt online much of the time lah~.. i've been really busy in sch and stuffs...

Im Getting tired of this life man.. i know i know... I am living a great life.. atleast better than some of my bros.. But... It's jux not wat i wan to do... im really tired... Been to jon house to let him take his stuff before commin to my house to do the posters... obviously.. he isnt really in a good state wif his mom... hey bro.. I know how u feel.. But sometimes.. u jux haf to know wat they're trying to do... not tat i wan to say anything to offend u or smthin... to be fair.. i haf to say.. parents dont do wat we wan them to do.. and in turn.. we too dont do wat they wan us to do.. they dont really wanna be control freaks.. but.. it jux happens tat they cant help it... In the state of Ur family.. u cant really blame anyone.. cause u know.. its alrdy very hard up on her jux to keep the food on the table for u and ur sis.. its really stressful and she haf to be a control master to keep the Things in check..

going on... we went to the poly clinic to get mc for wk and jon since they missed thier CDS lessons and dun wanna get a warning letter.. while they're getting the mc.. qi yang and me went to starbucks to drink kopi and do our own stuffs.. i watched deadspace again.. nice movie.. damn gore.. haha.. and waited for like an hour or 2.. before finally moving to take the bus to sch...

rched sch at ard 2+ 3 pm... everyone was getting anxious cause we haven got our posters approved by the SAA.. and we haven printed them out too.. Jon was in a freaking bad mood.. It jux happens tat we're rushin so much and the stress is really gettin into his head..

But at last.. we still managed to get everything done..by 8pm... sry arthur... i didnt make it to the gathering.. my bad... i couldnt finish my stuffs on time.. and i cant leave them to jon and qi yang to help me do it... cause it wont be fair that i leave and let them do my work for me..

Sry to Kris too... I didnt go find u~ i am really busy wif the setting up of posters and stuff.. i even skipped my lunch.. till jux when i rched home.. then i got my meal.. i cant set my time off to leave jux to slack ard.. while my bros are doin all the work.. really PS...

So goin back.. have been thinkin much bout stuffs.. being emo.. watever.. the feeling jux never leaves.. always hoping to have someone beside me.. Things jux suxs so much...

Its jux not possible now... me to settle down.. my heart's in a mess.. my brain's always crowded with thoughts.. though it hurts and i dun wanna think bout them.. they jux comes naturally.. lonely and afraid.. sad and regret.. Feels like crying..

Always.. all the nights... Is this a fear?... Or is this a sign... Is this wat they call craving... or depressed... wats thr to hear.. when u see someone u like being wif another person.. who might be ur rival... it may even be ur best fren... argh... scary...

this always happens in the drama.. whr one beats up another.. or let the girl off to live happily ever after blah blah... is it wats in real life? wierd...

But then again.. it may jux be another reason tat.. I jux wan to feel a girl's warmth in my arms.. holding her.. having the nice cuddly feel.. the nice feel of holding her hands..

Then i come to think of myself.. what do i haf to deserve to get a girl fren or anything... i have no courage to even say out my true words.. always wishy washy.. dilly dally shilly shally... wasting time.. letting the one i like walk away from the corner of my eyes..

What i do?... i jux close my eyes.. and regret not telling and talk to them.. I am so freaking useless... I am so freaking down.. I can never say and express wat i wan to say.. I dun wanna be a flirt... or say 'hongster'... like wat WK says... the 'nerds'... in other countries.. because they cant get a girlfren.. always lookin at other guys being wif girls and gettin jealous.. they changed their attitude and styles jux to become An attraction to the girls.. not jux that... they become more flirtish and doesnt gives respect to girls...

I dun wanna become like tat.. i wanna stay as myself.. i wanna be myself.. i dun wanna change jux to get attension from girls ard.. worst .. i dun wanna be called a flirt.. cause its jux not my personality.. i respect them for who they are..

U can piss me off.. But i wouldn't do anything.. maybe if driven over a limit.. i'll jux not talk to u... Sometimes.. its jux the way tat.. i dont like how u speak.. or the way u express things.. its ok to talk bout it alittle.. but not over the limit whr it jux turns off ppl... which makes me wanna shut the conversation down..

I know myself.. as being boring.. cause .. if i go out wif girls.. i dun really talk much.. much as it is.. im shy and controlled by my own fears... not tat i dont wanna talk.. its jux.. the fear makes me speechless.. mind blank.. stuffs.. i cant really speak out and say wat i say when im wif guys.. especially my close bros.. Its jux this mental block that i cant break...

Not by myself.. I need someone who can stay wif me throughout.. fighting by my side.. never giving up on me.. well.. this kinda person is hard to find.. who would wanna fight by my side anw... my bros? maybe... perhaps.. i trust my bros.. but for girls.. i guess... none... maybe one.. but.. its been a long time.. and i guess.. i've grown deeper and further...

No one knows ... wat i've been through.. wat i wan really.. wat i hope i can be... wat i wish i can do... wat i hate the outcome to be.. wat keeps me at bay.. and lots of others...

In these times... i've grown to know more ppl... But still.. im still as deep as i know ... till the day i surface.. i know tat.. i haven found the one... tat lets me lift myself up...the one tat i can always depend on...

Thinking bout the days ahead.. Should i move... im really... in a mess... i cant make up my mind.. I dun wanna leave my bros... should i go wif them as well... is thr someone tat can make me stay... or is thr someone out thr who is waiting and willing to accept me...

I know i haf turned some ppl down... but u haf to know... i have set my sights on a certain lvl and goals and objectives... now.. i dont.. even know wat i wan...

Maybe jux endin ones live could stop all this...

in the distant stars... I wonder whr i can finally find my resting place...

I jux wanna live wif the one i love.. but its harder to be done ...

U may never feel a heart brokern and hurt so deep...

U may never know the true feelings in a lonely mind...

Even if i said.. would u even understand...

Cry is the feel.. Missing is the word.. Love is a stunt... Courage is a move...

PLayin wif the minds... But the one tat might get hurt the most... is urself..

Almost like double edged sword... its never certain that u will never hurt urself

Playin wif fire... Its almost certain that u'll get burnt..hurt...

Too much that i haf to say...

tat i cant express it out.. so it shall reside in my alrdy Dead mind...

Cold as it alrdy is.. The winter chills makes it numb...

When will the Warmth Reach the surface.. and touch the frozen soul deep within...

is the day.. whr i will live again...

Till the day.. I will remain... buried in the deep depths of the artic snow..

God Bless!