Nature's Santuary

The Explosion

Dec 2, 2008

Hiaz...wat a tiring day~~~ was all emo-ed up for no reason. jux cause im too freakin tired. haha. and tat stupid leong go photoshop me photo and send it to ppl which made me feel even worst...Idiot.. bt watever.. i aint got any life left.. so jux get on wif my work.. atleast today still done 2 of the projects/assignments.. Ricky's sick today so he didnt come to sch.. i think he aint commin either tmr as well.. hope he gets well soon~ my cough is still nt goin down.. infact it always acts up for no reason.. guess im jux damned. For once it really...Really feels tat i am really a fucked up person~ not really bout anything.. but my life.. cause come to think of it... when was the last time someone ever MSG-ed me or msn-ed me automatically~ its like A F**Kin long time ago.. and those tat did come to talk to me.. only asked me to help do survey, check some stuff.. watever.. after tat.. they jux go b and do their own stuffs. and im b to square one whr im left alone again. Wats wif this kinda life. i know i aint famous or wat shit watever crap.. i aint much of a popular guy watever Fuck.... its jux too fuckin boring can.. its always me who initiated the conversation.. is there like no one tat actually wans to talk to me?. ok fine watever.. im fine being anti social from nw.. i aint gonna give a fuckin care bout any shit.. cause its life.. wat the hell. If Given a chance nw. Fuckin jux end my life god.. i aint got much reason to live in this world anw.. gettin pissed and dissed here and there from time to time.. though there's been some happy times.. but they pass on real quick and the sick feelin comes b again~ i aint got much frens i know... there's some.. but dun talk.. some does.. but at times really piss me off. i can keep my cool~ and i dun like to show aggression. it jux aint my style.. i rather keep things peacefully and live life off.. No one will know wat it feels like to live off in a distant place.. where u are mostly alone. cause most of the time u will haf frens ard to be wif u, to give u the warmth.. u dun haf to seek it.. they jux comes to u. bt for me.. it aint like this.. i haf to seek my own warmth.. and its really tiring.. life is giving up on me already as im typing this.. i really feel like my soul is dieing.. i trust tat no one will ever understand how i feel. cause it jux dun happen to anyone. especially those tat always have frens to console them when they are dwn or when facing some difficuilt times..for me.. i haf to suffer all this by myself.. i aint got much or any1 to talk to or share wif. yes there is.. bt i cant always jux count on them. it really makes me feel damn useless.. i wanna be as gd.. i tried.. and i become tired. things are jux nt workin out for me.. i aint got the guts.. i aint got anything other than a no gd brain tat stores useless stuff.. haiz.. life has taken its toll on me.. and i've had enough. i jux wan to rest.. i wanna find a place of peace and serenity.. i jux wan to rest peacefully~ without any worries or thoughts. jux me.. maybe me and the one i loved. but i know its jux a beautiful lie.. cause truth hurts and the truth always turns my life upside down. One fren asked.. wat is happiness. where can i find happiness.. my answer... your happiness is in u. wat makes u happy is u. there is no true answer..cause ppl find joy in diff things. everyone is diff. for me.. i aint haf this.. i cant feel happiness. all i feel is a dark lonely corner in the middle of a winter nite. wif no one ard.. i am helpless. all alone.. fallin prey to the never endin feel of loneliness and depression. tried to seek warmth.. bt got kicked out instead. tried to seek happiness bt got rejected. tried to work for my goals. bt got denied. cause of my lack in ability. im jux like a disabled person. i cant do anything without my hands, legs, body and mind workin properly. its jux the end.. the end of life.. the end of time. the end of the line. All i am left wif nw..is my guitar nad my piano.. they're my life.. and my final wish before i die.. is tat i am able to make a beautiful song tat brings life to my world. i dun care bout anything else anymore. Hack to relationships. hack to work~ i jux wan to fulfill my last wish.. i cant save the earth.. cause im nthin but a mere grain of sand. i cant save myself. cause i dread livin in the real world. i cant save the my soul. cause i want to live in a world of fantasy, paradise.. Music is my life. and i wan to play it well. for the rest of my soul lies in them. i have no confidence in relationships any longer. its jux a freakin LIE! True love Is Never gonna come.. cause no one will accept me for who i am. im a idiot, im a failure. This will never be the last. Cause There's still things to be done. but its started long ago.. when my wish is fulfilled. its time for me to leave too. cause my life is done and i got nthin left tat is worth for me to do. i'd go b to mother earth, or perhaps heaven.. maybe hell for the Lies i told and sins i've done. wherever i go.. i'd never wan to live again.