Nature's Santuary

The Explosion

Dec 26, 2008

This will be the last post for this year~ 2008~ lets say.. this is quite a year.. wif all the happenings ard.. its quite amazing, scary, depressing, aspiring, cool, entertainin.. well.. i didnt know wat else to say.. so ya.. good on.. dwn to my last emo post of the year... dun wanna miss my last chance to type here.For this year.. gonna be my time to go mia soon.. nt from sch but from anything else.. sch is the only thing that i cant skip other than meetin wif a mishap.. or sick.. Also..to continue.. the start of my shadow training.. the start of a new begining.. a start.. to a new me.. to kill this heart of mine nw.. so as to end all my sufferings.. to learn of a new power.. perhaps.. the native power everyone haf.. to harness this energy and make full use of it.. casting my emotions to one side.. i shall bear no burden.. i shall bear no hate, no saddness, no fear... i shall bear no memories of the past.. i shall become.. a new being.. to fulfill wat i've been set to do from when i was born. till death takes me away.. needless to say.. i'll be watching over u.. i'll help u when u need me the most.. in other times.. i'll be in the shadows.. never to show my presence... i'll be back when the time is rite.. for the outcast or the exile will be made honourable for his name and for all others of his kind. the lonewolfs.. the exile.. the outcasts.. we haf been set aside for wat other's are not able to accept us for. we haf been casted aside because of our differences.. we become exile because we are stronger than others. but no one cares.. so stick by my pride.. i shall remain in the shadows and be quiet.. the pride tat was created long ago.. when i become an outcast...when i ... turned into a lonewolf.. fendin off opponents sent forth to bring me down.. i haf become stronger.. for they haf met the strongest opponent yet.. sendin them back to whr they came from.. and leavin me alone to run.. to find a place of peace.. whr i can finally dig my grave and sleep in peace for the rest of eternity..havin thought of goin to paradise.. bt wats the use of livin forever in a world whr i am always alone.. frens.. they have their own things and others to attend to .. i haf no love .. not for me, killed my love in me.. so i wont haf to suffer any longer... i'll be able to see couples.. happy couples dwn the streets or in the park.. and feel no saddness and crys in me.. i'll beable to face frens.. wif their other half.. and i feel no shame and no jealousy.. i'll be able to answer myself y am i alone.. cause its simple.. my love is dead.. killed by my own hands.. my mind.. no longer will i be 'emo'.. no longer will relationships affect me.. for this time.. im gonna kill it for real. internal conflict within me haf been happenin for years.. and its time for i to put a stop to it.. for it haf brought me great misery and fear.. ppl say im crazy.. im mad.. im goin insane.. im suffering from depression.. i dun care.. for wat i think it maybe real. this maybe the last war i fought.. this maybe the last post i ever make.. nthin is impossible.. for i might be here again tmr and gone for the rest of the time..disappear from the face of humanity.. cause im dead.. i share no pain wif others.. i share no hurts wif others.. jux me.. seeing pain inflicted on others is as good as inflicting the pain on me.. so its jux gettin heavier and heavier.. once my love is dead i can linger no longer.. i can wonder no more.. i will haf nothin to fear about. if this is my last words.. i'd still have no courage and strength to say tat i love u~ cause it'd mean tat all this while.. u've been lookin at some1 tat take u differently from others. bt u didnt notice..cause he was nt able to show and say wat he really wans to express.. and u would be hurt. this is nt wat he wans... this is nt wat he hopes.. to the most.. he doesnt wan to lose u as a gud fren. and this too relates to others.. cause he dun wan to lose them as well.. creatin more frens are better than makin more enemies. tats y he'd rather talk things out and be frens than to fight an all out war riskin more ppl to become his enemies.. worst of all.. even the love of his life to turn her back on him. turnin him into the worst person on earth... he would feel guilty, hate, despair, regret.. all his life.. he only wans to settle down and live a peaceful life wif the one he loves.. though a lonewolf.. bt he still wans company.. bt he haven had the chance to speak.. cause he wasnt given enough courage.. though this is a selfish thought.. bt he cant face himself.. he's unsure of himself.. Everytime when a person appear and feels like a rival.. he shivers and shakes in fear.. havin the thought of losin her.. he crys within.. bt he wasnt able to do anything.. cause it'd mean makin him look like a total retard and destroyin his image.. so.. he'd rather cry and suffer himself than makin him lose the girl he like forever. and also.. he'd only wish for her happiness.. if he wasn't able to give her tat.. he wont force her to stay wif him.. instead he would tell her to leave him.. even though it hurts him more and he knows it'll hurt her too.. bt for her happiness sake.. he cant be so selfish as to let her suffer wif him~.. God bless him and all others..! May this change Be Better for him and others. Kuristos~!GodBless and Goodluck!