Today.. time passed as usual.. went to sch, met up wif david and wyman to do our counseling psycho project...

we went around finding the so called 'perfect' spot so we can do our video.. but apparently.. the sch is... crappy.. XD.. ok .. jux tat the facility aint there.. so we decided to go to wyman's house to do the project..

Rched his house... he found out that he nv bring his key -.- .. so we walked the 'back door' haha.. i was like uh.. omg.. u can jux enter like tat 0.0? ... nvm..

then went to his room... shifted his bed.. then brought in a few piece of furniture to set up for our video.. i was trying to tune myself to the emo mode.. quite hard wif ppl ard.. cause.. i cant really become like... emo when thrs ppl ard.. its like auto that i wanna make the place fun and interesting..

so yea.. finally felt the mood and we started to take the recording...

we talked and talked.. i was the one getting counseled.. so .. yea.. XD... EMO!!!!

our video recording was suppose to be like ard 10mins.. but it seems like we talked too much .. =p.. we ended up wif a total of 16mins+... so .. gotta crop it ..

after that.. we went home.. took bus wif david.. talked for awhile.. finally.. get to know him alittle.. he aint tat cold.. LOL!... Dun kill me XD hahaha..

Jux the impression he gave me when we first met lah... cause he like damn serious and stuffs... then i dun dare talk to him =.=.... LOL!...

OK so.. went home... took 89 from dte.. ( I NEVER GO PLAY TAIKO!!!! OMG!!!!)

rched home.. wanted to go for a run.. but.. haven had dinner.. so cant run without energy -.- .. parents rched home at ard 9pm+ cannot run lo~~~ so late liao.. yea.. so ate and started to try to do my maya again..

SAME RESULT... FARKING SCREW UP!!!!! Im so screwed lah pls.. i dunno how ima survive next week.. i think ima fail this sem lo~~ farked up sia...

yea.. so felt quite upset... kept on thinking wat can i do.. MY HEAD's Gonna blow soon ><...

i Cant Do No Freaking Programming... I cant freaking make my maya stuff... WAT THE FUCK CAN I FREAKING DO! !!!!!! ... :'[

my sprites.. i haven even settled my program u wan me to freaking do my sprites??? WTF SIA...

FARK this lah~~~ im so Freaking screwed ... Cant wait to put a knife rite through my head.. or even pull the trigger of a gun and blast my heart out... WAts the use of slicing the wrist when it hurts so much and watches ur hand bleed... It jux makes you more freaking miserable..

Freaking jux end it wif one shot lah~~~ I really cant Withstand the pressure anymore lo...

Every nite.. something will come to my mind.. i haf ideas to make things perfect.. BUT I JUX CANT FREAKING DO IT CAUSE SOMETHING ALWAYS SCREW UP!... Im giving up on my life soon...

Its jux a few nites back.. I closed my eyes.. I wondered can i end everything if i jux died? ... I even thought of writing a freaking will to pass all my stuffs to charity and frens.. I thought of.. the peace tat will be given to me.. I will Have no more pressure .. NO MORE FREAKING WORK TO PULL ME DOWN.. NO MORE FREAKING WORK TAT I HAF NO LIKING IN DOING!...

Then Comes the thought.. How will i go.. Get killed in a car accident? .. Jump off a building? Stab myself? run straight to the wall and hit my head so hard that it breaks instantly? ... I figured no one would cared anyway... I might as well jux die off somewhr wif no one.. I alrdy pictured no one comming for my funeral..

my hands are shaking... but my eyes are wide open.. it seems like ... its wat ima do soon? .. ima not waste time jux sitting here and rot.. ima spend the best of my time left wif people tat can make me happy.. Work? ... Shit it.. I cant do no work..

Love? I aint got no love.. For fark sake.. Is thr even love... Most of it.. jux expressions of care and concern.. other than tat.. hatred... jealousy.. saddness.. vengence...

I dont know how long i can stay like this before i lose it.. Ima jux end it sooner or later.. sometimes.. i even wished tat i could die running.. from heart attack or smthing.. lung bleeds... stomach burst and cause massive internal bleeding till i drop dead..

Or i would die from a bite of a poisonous animal.. which would end in awhile.. nothing matters... i haf passed on...

If one day i stopped goin to sch... and i never even go online forever.. Im gone i presume.. or i've left to some island alone... I jux hoped tat... if things are gonna end for me...

The entries in this blog.. Someone will print it out and file it in some place.. even make it into a story.. or even make songs outta them..

I aint able to fulfill the things i've promised to some people.. im deeply sorry.. if we're able to meet in the next life.. I'll be sure to fulfill them ... Even at the cost of my life..

I've told ya people.. tat i will never break promises... I've failed some.... I've brokern some.. and its left a mark within tat i'll never forget..

I think it'll be weeks before anyone will come and read.. if by that time im gone.. Check around my house... I might haf left a will somewhr hidden between..

I have never planned to fail.. but this time.. it seems inevitable.. I cant take the blow.. I might fall into great depression.. or im alrdy in one..

It seems like the 2 sides of me switches almost instantly.. once ppl are gone .. the other one will come out to haunt me..

I could type more.. but i think .. i might leave it to some other time.. perhaps .. the last? .. well.. Life have its way for me.. Forced to the edge..

My legs might frost when crossing a busy traffic.. or my heart might fail in a critical situation..

Things will be revealed.. once again.. soon...

God Bless~